As you can very well see, I haven’t written in a while. And that’s mostly cause I’ve been feeling like I didn’t really have anything to write. It’s kind of been a weird two months for me. When “The Lower Room” (the Easter drama I was in) finished, I experienced that post-mountain-top-experience syndrome. You know what I’m talking about: You attend a conference or retreat and have some really great time with God; He’s speaking to you, and you’re listening; you’re all close with Him and it’s good. Then you come home, and you’re really diligent about spending time in the Word… for about two weeks. And then the “rigors” of your daily routine get to you, and you’re definitely NOT where you were spiritually at the retreat.
So yeah… that’s what I have been experiencing. “The Lower Room” was awesome because I was at Youth For Christ (YFC) almost every day of the week, spending time with people I love, and being led through some awesome Bible study. Each performance brought a new experience of God’s grace and faithfulness as He poured out His glory on the cast, crew, and audience. And then it was over. I was back to being “on my own” again. I spent a good two weeks or so reading my Bible every day. But I couldn’t duplicate the emotional experience of being at YFC.
Now, there’s something you need to understand about me. According to the Meyer’s-Briggs personality test, I am a “feeler”. This means that I most often allow my emotions to dictate reality. If I feel like you’re mad at me, then you must be mad at me (but most of the time that’s not true). So… since I wasn’t feeling the same feelings, I figured there wasn’t much point in continuing to try and duplicate them. It’s been a while since I opened my Bible. I haven’t even been at church much on Sunday mornings. And I definitely haven’t been talking to God much.
In some ways, that’s probably going to be changing very soon. Some of the women from the cast of “The Lower Room” have started a weekly Bible study, so I’m going to be spending more time with them and more time in good Bible study. We’ve started rehearsals for the summer show at YFC (“Ragtime”!!), which means I’ll be living there again. And that’s great… but I don’t want to be dependent on that for my spiritual well-being and discipline.
So… please pray for me. Pray that God would be working in my heart to make me obedient to Him. Pray that God would be working in my heart to renew my desire to seek after Him and deepen our relationship. Pray that as I attend the New Attitude conference this weekend that God would work lasting heart change so that I come home transformed and not just inspired. Pray that this summer would change me into a woman who truly seeks God’s face in every moment of every day.
