Matters of the Heart

First of all, I apologize for two posts in the same day.  It’s funny how some days I feel like I have nothing to say, and then on others, I feel like I have logorrhoea (there’s your big word for the day… haha).

I just finished reading John Ensor’s book Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart.  This book is highly recommended for anyone who is single, dating, engaged, or even married.  (Note to my future husband [if you should happen to be reading this]: you should probably read this book!)  There’s too much good stuff in this book to try to summarize, so I think I’ll just share some of my favorite quotes.  Hopefully they will whet your appetite and encourage you to read the book yourself.

“This book is about doing things right in matters of the heart.  It is for those who know by painful experience, if not by observation, that the postmodern paradigm of meeting up, hooking up, shacking up, and breaking up is bankrupting the rich treasure of love itself.  It doesn’t matter that this is what most people are doing.  You can see it does not ring true.  It does not work.  It is time to revolt against the times, to consult the webmaster, to learn how to spot fraud in matters of the heart, and to enter into a relationship as one ‘who gives thought to his steps’ (Proverbs 14:15).” (p. 13)

“So I think it crucial for us to make some distinctions.  We must make a distinction between what the culture assumes we all want and teaches us to want, and what we really want.  We must make a distinction between what we thought we wanted, merely to please others, and what we are truly designed to want.  We must make a distinction between what we want as sinners in a sinful world, and what we want as men [and women] made in the image of God for great purpose.  This mason work for the soul.” (p. 32)

“Loving God first as a matter of the heart puts all our other loves in their rightful place and in their right proportion.  We pursue them not as we will but according to his Word–seeking to do things right as a matter of trusting God to provide us with good things.  And he will; that is his promise.” (p. 46-47)

“… many of the old customs and codes, particularly in matters of the heart, were benign and beneficial, and today they are gone.  In their time, they greatly assisted men and women in knowing how to approach one another and what to expect in the realm of relationships.  We are now lacking such cultural cues.” (p. 56)

“The heart of the matter is unity, two people becoming one.  The wisdom and guidance we get from Scripture is that which promotes unity of spirit and shows how two very different people can move as one.” (p. 88)

“I was speaking with a small circle of college students, Christian brothers in their mid-twenties mostly.  One of them expressed the problem squarely.  ‘I don’t like to ask until I see all the right signals that she is going to say yes.’  My response? ‘Coward! You are the man.’ … It is ours as men to suffer the embarrassment of rejection if need be.  It is our role to initiate.  It is hers to respond with a signal of reception or rejection.  Get to it right merrily.” (p. 91 & 92)

“When women wait, the impatient male predator will go elsewhere, which protects them from the wrong man.  The immature man, however, is forced to consider what changes in his life need to be made.  He asks, ‘What are the terms and conditions under which I may turn your ‘Not now’ and ‘Not yet’ into ‘Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits!” (Song of Solomon 4:16).  Then he gets to work and grows up in the process.” (p. 105)

“Doing things right in matters of the heart means bringing to the relationship that which lasts far longer than physical attractiveness or a profession-based income.  It means showing integrity and displaying an inner beauty.  It also means witnessing it in the one you give your heart to so that you are united in the values around which you are going to build your life together.” (p. 126)

There’s so much more I could have shared, but I’ll stop there.  I am so grateful for authors like Ensor and for people whose dating and marriage relationships have been living examples of “doing things right in matters of the heart”.  I have seen so many people hurt by “the dating game” as our culture and society have created it.  I pray that if and when God brings the right man into my life, we will do things His way instead.