Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and
eat with him, and he with me.

Revelation 3:20

This verse was the over-arching theme of the weekend retreat
we attended in Wales
this past weekend. We spent most of the
weekend talking about how we need to let Christ into the deepest part of who we
are, into our souls. At one point, the
speaker emphasized the second part of this verse: "I will come in to him and
eat with him." When Jesus enters our
lives, he wants to establish a relationship that is as "normal" as sitting down
with a friend for a chat and a cup of tea.

I was struck by the simplicity of this idea. What He really wants is a simple conversation—honest
discussion. Instead, I have made my
relationship with Him a complicated matter based on some twisted idea of
obedience and earning love. I do this to
keep Him standing on the "welcome mat" right inside the door of my heart. I can't let Him go any farther or He will see
the cluttered mess that is my heart!

This morning I prayed, "I confess that I don't want to let
you in. There are parts of my innermost
heart and soul that I am ashamed to let you see. There are doors that I would rather keep
closed for fear of the pain that might come with opening them. In all honesty, I want to keep you at arm's
length so I don't have to face who I really am.
I am comfortable with the Katie I have created and would much rather
present that to you. The real Katie is
broken and dirty; she hides in the darkness of shame, wanting nothing to do
with the light. She wonders how
something so ugly and repulsive can be truly loved by a God whose perfection,
beauty, and holiness are beyond her comprehension."

In response, God spoke to me words of love: "I know you feel
ugly and broken and dirty, but I see you with different eyes. I see you as a lover sees his beloved. I see ravishing beauty and purity because I
have already washed you so you could be presented to me clean…. Although you
feel broken, you are whole because I have made you complete. Realize your wholeness; live as you are, not
as you feel you are."

Since training camp, God has been reminding me often of my
need for intimacy with Him, intimacy that comes only from being completely
honest with Him and with myself. This
weekend, He showed me that this intimacy is a simple thing—just open the door!