A Solitary Experience

Yesterday morning, Chad challenged us to spend 3 hours in silence and solitude with God.  During that time I reflected on a number of Scripture passages, taking time to truly meditate on each of them.  But the most rewarding part of this time was when I sat and just listened to God as He spoke to me directly.  What follows are His words.  Although much of it pertains particulary to me, I know I’m not alone in many of my struggles, so I pray you might also find encouragement, peace, conviction, and love in these words.

Stop striving! Stop trying to earn what you already have! You’re making yourself tired by taking on guilt and shame that aren’t yours to carry.

Why are you so afraid to be still and silent before me? Why do you use my Word as an escape from really experiencing me? I love you! You have the rightto come before me, to sit at my feet and listen as I reveal myself to you. Yes, you will learn things about yourself as well, but you don’t need to fear that. There will be conviction, but there will be no condemnation. I know that you will fall; I’m not asking you to be perfect; I’m asking you to be obedient. Know that I willpick you up when you fall. There is only grace and forgiveness here. I’m holding your hand, and I will never let go.

There will be celebration here as well. Have you looked back to see how far you’ve come? Or are you just looking at how far there still is to go? You are different; you have been growing. You have followed me across an ocean to a new country, a new culture. You have stepped out in faith not knowing what it was I was calling you to. You are no longer the cowering child who clung white-knuckled to whatever mad you feel safe and comfortable. You are a woman of faith who has walked out onto that tightrope, holding on to nothing, but trusting that I would not let you fall. Your footing is sure—I will establish your steps as you move forward.

Look at you, my child! You are no longer paralyzed by sin and guilt and shame. You are no longer hiding your struggles, but you are choosing to be open and honest and vulnerable with the people around you. You have taken steps to flee from the temptations that would bring you into bondage again. You are seeking out the lies and strongholds so they can be destroyed and replaced with Truth. You are choosing to act like the person you are. I will bless you in that.

And yes, there is still much to work on. There are lies to be uprooted and truths to be planted. You must continue to learn patience. There are things you hold onto too tightly, making them idols. You are still too dependent on people and relationships, forsaking the most important relationship. We will continue to work on all these things, but we will work in a context of love and grace and forgiveness.

I love you! My love is beyond your comprehension, but I will reveal it to you in every moment of every day. I will open your eyes to it; you will see how I am romancing you. You are my beloved, and I will seek you out so I can love you fully, intimately, passionately. I alone can fulfill you, and I will. You are my darling, my precious one. You are beautiful to me. I cannot begin to define your infinite worth. You are the apple of my eye. I paid the price of my Son’s life to purchase you to be my bride… that’s how much you are worth to me. And your worth comes from nothing you have done or will do. It comes from the simple fact that you are my creation and because I choose to love you. Stop trying to earn my love! You already have it. And it is a steadfast love that never changes; I love you as much in this moment as I did before you were born, as much as I did when you were in bondage to sin, as much as I will tomorrow, as much as I will when you finally stand physically in my presence.

Yes, I am healing your heart. I will make it whole again. I forgive you for taking it from me and giving it to someone else. I want you to trust me to hold it, to keep it safe until I choose to give it to someone else. I know what you need, and I’ve already provided what you needed most. Trust me with this, too.

You should come to me more often. Let yourself really spend time in my presence. Choose to be quiet and still so I can talk to you and be heard. I want you to take the time to talk to me; I want to hear what is on your heart. But I want you to take the time to listen as well; I want you to hear what is on my heart. Let this be a conversation rather than a monologue. Ask questions, but listen for the answers. Be honest with me. I know what you’re thinking and feeling anyway, so why try to hide it? I want a relationship with you, and we can’t have a good one if you won’t talk to me, if you won’t listen to me. Oh, and don’t leave me behind when you go about your day. I’m right there with you. Be aware of my presence. Talk to me. Ask me for help and guidance. I promise I’ll respond.

Let our times together change you. Don’t walk away thinking, “That was nice.” Let each conversation build on the one before. Walk away with some new goal in mind. I’m working in you—I’m trying to renew your mind; I’m trying to transform you into the image of my Son. Make my job easier by cooperating. Allow me to change you. I love you as you are, but I also love you enough not to let you stay that way.